You know, many times, when I start writing a new blog post (or composing one in my head, when driving over to my singing practice - that's my time alone with God), I feel a little like a preacher on a soap box. An unqualified one, most of the time. Yet, I have these words, these things that I feel compelled to speak out.
Those of you who have followed my blog for a while (if there are any), I hope you know that in no way I consider myself a preacher. So, if I do come across as preachy - it is not my intention. But some things make me feel too passionate, to keep it toned down.
What God will do with your "I would never"s. He has a great sense of humor, you know that? An amazing sense of humor! Sometimes I think he listens to us talk about all the things we know we should do, but make excuses for why we should not do it, and arranges so that we find yourself wanting to do those same exact things. Especially when we flat out say "I would never do this."
Years ago, having already given my life to Christ, I have said to my best friend:"I could never go on a mission trip. Its just not for me. I really cannot! Not with work, and my newborn son, and my husband, how will I EVER leave him alone for so long."
My fear got the best of me through my best years. God took that "I would never" and planted such a NEED, no ACHE in my heart to GO. Oh, to go back in time, to RUN with my pastor and the kids who jumped on the plane to experience this.
"Oh, I could never go to one of those scary places, like Africa! I cannot even imagine how terrifying that place must be." - but now, or to be able to go before this year is out. The beauty,intertwined with pain. Passion means suffering, and people of Africa know it so well. In their songs, in their dance, in their unrelenting ability to LOVE and praise God despite horrific things around them. I love them, even if through the eyes and hands of men and women of Christ who are there now, on their missions.
Years ago, I have said "I could never adopt. Its just not for me. I don't believe in paying all this money for an adoption. I could never love a child that's not a biological offspring of mine."
And here I am. I have said yes in my heart, I believe. Is it for me to adopt? I don't know. I am open. God's decision.
Months ago, I have said "Oh, my husband would NEVER want to adopt. He feels its not for him. I cannot even think of asking him." You know what happens when you just ask? When you make yourself available to God? Things happen. Unthinkable happens. My husband said:"Yes, whatever makes you happy," Well, not right away. The first time, he said "I don't know,I never considered it." But it grew on his heart. I know he is not entirely at peace with the idea, I can feel the confusion between the spirit and the flesh. I feel it too, oh believe me! But he said yes. He made himself available.
What is your "I would never" today? Is it adoption? Is it prayer? Is it missions? Is it forgiving someone? Write it down, put it in the box. Say it out loud to someone you trust - see what God does with it.
I am very careful about saying "I would never" now. I do believe that the Great Comedian will arrange it especially for me. Because he knows it will be good for me. and it will be for His glory.
Getting off my soapbox now. =)