Jun 2, 2011
I catch myself saying "I wish I had more time", and "I wish time would slow down". My mother warned me since I was very young - life is short, and it will become even shorter the older you get. Only now I understand what she means.
Granted, I still have plenty of good years left in me, God willing, but with each day, I feel the time literally speeding up. The life around me starting to blur, as if I'm on a carousel - faces fading, colors blending together. Only one thing that keeps me grounded solid - God. When I close my eyes to the world's troubles, my own "troubles", my complaints, my "me-me-me", the time halts it's gallop. The universe itself stops spinning (in my head that is), and I am suspended just surrounded in God.
I know to live in regret is no life at all, but I cannot help but look back into the many years, almost decades, where I was pretty much dead. Dead to God, dead to his world. I spent so much time in my house, sitting in front of my computer, playing all these games - learning nothing, helping no one, accomplishing not a single thing towards God kingdom.
Oh, I knew OF God back then. I cannot say that I was ignorant of his existence. I even called myself a christian at some point. But I did not HAVE the gospel in me. I did not have THE truth that saves. And I did not seek. God's the one who sought me out, years later. Just like THAT lamb, you know the one.
And I look back on those years - my 20s...Oh to have those years back! Oh to have that youthful passion, time, resources, OH what life I could have had! The people I could have touched, and the people that I would have gotten to know. The fears that I would have conquered.
It's not too late. My body is still strong, healthy, my heart is full, and my eyes are fixed on what is actually important NOW. Regrets are swept away with God's mighty hand like crumbs off the table - "I have given your life now, make the best of what you have now."
I guess this post is meant as an encouragement to myself, as well as someone else who might feel like they have squandered their years. We, humans are great at that. "Youth is wasted on the young." But, now that I have tasted a taste of what life is like with the Lord, I would rather have a year with him, than a lifetime without Him. Honest truth.
“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." - Joel 2:25