Apr 30, 2011

Heartbroken

I had a very heartbreaking conversation with my grandma today, which left me with thinking, a lot. Now, my grandma is the sweetest person in my family. She has never said an unkind word to me, and has been a HUGE help in many ways. She never forgets to call and celebrates the slightest achievements in our lives. She is the only relative that has said that they are proud of me.

She is also a Christian. So, when I casually mentioned to her that my friend Kim(about whom she was asking, because she knows how dear Kim is to me)and her husband are still working on their adoption.

"Oh, were they unable to have one of their own?"
Pretty standard question for majority of people, actually. Those who do not know.
"No, that is what they want to do."
"I guess to each their own. Are they at least..they are not adopting a "black one" are they?"
"Yes they are adopting from Ethiopia."
"IDIOCY!What are they thinking?!"

I felt as if I was slapped across the face. Not even that, across my very soul. A "black one"! My future nephew, the one I am waiting for eagerly, the one that God prepared to be a sweet boy, a son of my sister in Christ! A "Black one"?! I could feel the anger rising up, but I tried to calmly explain:

"I don't think it matters what color their son will be."
"Oh, but don't they know about the awful diseases they can bring with them?"
"Not more than anything that a child from another country might bring with them as well."
"I don't understand why they have to do it from "there"."
"God put in on their hearts to adopt from Africa." - I heard a stumble in her voice. But she picked up her argument again.

"There are so many children here, homeless, without parents, living on the streets, so many!Why not take care of our own, in our country."
"To them they are their own."
"But you know, "they are different", their culture, they are not like us."


To myself I only though, like WHO gramma? Like "us" - the poor immigrant family from fallen communist Russia, working out way to being able to fit in a new culture? Really? Of all people, you would be the one to say "they are not like us"? Like WHO? Like another human being that will have a chance to live a life full of opportunities? A child that will be raised in a Christian home. A child that will LIVE?

"Because to them, they are all "ours"."

"Well, it just seems like its the latest fad, to adopt the black ones."

That's where I felt the hurricane in my heart well up and smash across the phone:
"A FAD? Do you have any idea how expensive it is? How much waiting and how much stress is involved? Not only that, but to be constantly told how you are stupid for doing this, how you should NOT be doing this by your friends and family? A FAD?"

"Well, all the celebrities seems to be adopting from all these countries"

"I don't know what celebrities are doing, but I know of dozens of adopting family. They are regular families, living with normal means like you and me. There is nothing FAD about this."

She changed the topic after that, but in my heart, this conversation left a gap, a scar. I am hurt and disappointed. I don't want to judge her, because she doesn't know. She does not see. It really sucks to be disappointed in someone you respect so much. I am also hurt for my friend, who probably have heard worse. Or maybe people just whisper venom behind their backs. But I know that God looks down and smiles. Because He has a plan. He has a little couple of warriors to be part of it through it all.

I pray for my family to know Christ. Not to believe in "some vague power", or a spirit somewhere out there, or some vague God for whom to light a candle. But KNOW Him. To wake up and rejoice at the every new opportunity, new chance to be a part of His story. To be a part of something extraordinary.

3 comments:

Kim Foo Young said...

awww. banana. unfortunately she is not the only person thinking and saying these types of things to people "like us". it does make me sad too cause i didnt expect that from her. but truth brings out things in people they dont even know. when people see this rise up in themself perhaps as their words echo within they will question what it is inside themself that makes them think and speak like that.

and hey - i wish it were a fad, then maybe there would be more children coming into homes. i pray to God it becomes more of a fad so children arent left, alone, hungry, living on streets, unloved, uncuddled....

dont get me on my box i wont shut up ;) i never want my son to be a target for people who have hateful opinions. but its not a bad thing for people to recognize the putrid crap inside their bodies. maybe it will eventually result in repentance.

the putrid hatefulness of many particularly older people is far worse than any "disease" a child from another country could be burdened with. id catch lice over hate any day of the week and twice on sunday. :)

Catalina said...

Thanks, that actually makes feel better. I never came across racism in my family, until we were in an environment that allowed to reveal it and its startling.
Then again, I don't want to judge, because I used to be a lot like them, and I hope God continues to reveal he uglies in my own heart as well, until all of it is replaced with things that He loves.

MdmDragonfly said...

((Hugs)) And prayers for your family and friends. God's plan will not be thwarted, nontheless.

I just awarded you The Versatile Blogger Award! Check it out at :
http://clutterfreeme.blogspot.com/2011/05/dude-i-got-award.html
Congratulations!

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