Jan 7, 2011

Not good enough.

I was reading some blogs and came across Jon Acuff's post on worrying about being, or more exactly, not being the perfect "whatever". That reminded me of a story.

Back in school, when I was about 10 or 11, my English class was supposed to put on a performance. I don't recall the details, but one of the things that we were supposed to do was dance. No one in the class wanted to do it - we were very embarrassed, being small kids. My teacher was getting visibly upset as time went by. I don't know who told her or what was hanging on this performance night, but it was obvious that the lack of interest and participation was worrying her.

Now, I hope you don't take the next part as me boasting about myself. You will see my point later on. I felt sorry for her - she was a nice lady and a good teacher. I told her that I will be in the show, and do the dancing. To this day I remember her looking at me with gratitude and saying "you know, you are a very good person." It wasn't the kind of patronizing thing that an adult would say to a child sometime, but as one human being would say to another.

Years and years have passed, until I understood why I remembered this praise. More than two decades ago, I still remember one of my teachers telling me that I was a good person. It was not because I danced well (the show turned out to be a disaster by the way), but because I made myself available.

The point that I am trying to make, is that I often find myself say "I'm not good enough to do that", or "I'm not smart enough," or "I don't know the Bible well-enough to defend my faith", or "I am not a good Christian". I once said that to my sister Kim, how I am worrying about my ministry among my co-workers, who are not Christian (far far on the opposite end in fact). How can I possibly be God's tool when I am a bad Christian? She asked me:"How would they know what a good Christian is if they are not a Christian themselves?"

I find measuring myself up against this "golden calf" of an Ideal Christian. Isn't that ridiculous? I have created this person, infallible Christian of unspeakable strength and faith that I will never ever be able to measure up to. But does that at all sounds like a person who even needs God?

So every time the hissing voice in my head starts to tell me how I am "not pure enough" or " not good enough" or "not knowledgeable enough", I remember that the only thing I ever need to do - is to make myself available to God. He will do the rest.

"...work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure" …Phil 2:12

Why is the second part of this amazing line left out so often?! For it is GOD who is at work in you. What an amazing freedom and relief that is.


Kim Foo Young said...

i love this

Tiffany Christie said...

Here from the bloghop.
I follow you on GFC. I'd love for you to follow me back
Tiffypoot @ (aol.com)

Undeserving Grace said...

Great minds think alike! I write and think about these issues alot. I think people give up on finding their identity as a child of God b/c they think they will never measure up. It seems too hard to live by and too many things to live up to. It reminds me a couple days ago I was reading in exodus and i've read those same scriptures before but I never realized until the other day....how persistent moses was w/ trying to talk God out of the plans for him to lead the Israelites out of egypt. It sounded just like the things i've said when it came to following God and His plans for me.
One of my favorite excuses is others will think i'm a fruit loop and what if I say the wrong thing...you guessed it moses even said that one too and here's what God said to him....
(MSG)Exodus 4:11
God said, "And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn't it I, God ? So, get going. I'll be right there with you---with your mouth! I'll be right there to teach you what to say."

Now following from yesterdays friday hop along I'd love to have you join me sometime @ undeservingrace
have a great weekend

Facing50Blog.com said...

I dropped by to say thank you for your lovely comment you left on my last post.
I've been sitting thinking about what you have written here. It's a lovely post. I am not as eloquent as you in such matters - as you know I chose to write humour - so I have been quite taken with what you have said.
Warmest wishes

Catalina said...

Aw, thanks for visiting all.
I'm glad you liked my post. :)

Cammie@Flutterbys and Frogs said...

Hi! I'm Cammie from Flutterbys and Frogs :) Love the post! I stopped by to check it out after you linked up to our Women in the Word on Wednesday post. Such a sweet testimony, thank you for sharing!
Love and Blessings!

MdmDragonfly said...

Thanks for the post. I'm hopping over from Women In The Word Blog Hop. Recently I was made to feel very 'not good enough' by someone who I loved deeply.
God calmed my spirit by reminding me of all the ways HE loves me just the way I am.

Tracy Brumfield said...

Great post. I hate when satan tries to defeat us this way. Great post and I will keep this in my thoughts.

Thanks for linking up to Women of the Word blog hop

Ps.I am now a follower. Feel free to follow me at http://mysliceofsanity.blogspot.com/


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