Christmas is gone, and my tree is just sitting there, dropping its needles on the carpet, like a monument for a time passed. I keep staring at it, and cannot help but to feel sadness - its a time that passed. Its a moment in our lives that we won't get back.
It's amazing how hard it is to capture a moment. I really can only recall just a handful of actual MOMENTS, that I made a conscious decision of capturing in my heart. Like a snapshot of my life that I said to myself - I want to carry these pictures with me always, in my heart.
This last Christmas is supposed to be one of them. A picture of the most beautiful tree that I've ever had. The picture of so many gifts under it. My little son, sitting among the pile of unopened presents, eating a box of milk duds. My father-in-law with his presents, smiling. My husband getting so excited over the presents he got.
Just a quiet family afternoon. It was wonderful. Not because of the presents, but because we were there, together, healthy and happy. But for some reason the "film" for these snapshots doesn't want to get developed in my head. Its blurry, its dark, and uncertain. Perhaps my memory is really failing, in a clinical sense. So, everyday, I wake up to see a sad, dry and dying Christmas tree, and I fail to feel that moment of happiness that we shared just a few days before. Something is wrong.