I was still a baby-Christian back then, everything was new to me: the faith, the walk, the lifestyle. So much to learn, so much to test.
My best friend moved into this house, which was about 30-40 minutes away from me. It was somewhere deep in the woods of Florida's jungles, and the road to the house lay between vast fields of nothing. There were no street lights most of the way, and the drive from there at night was unnerving. I only recently started driving back then, and was getting frequent anxiety attacks if I was on the road at night. Other drivers terrified me as well. But I had to make the drive to her house each week because we had out Bible studies there. I really enjoyed coming to the Bible study, but I dreaded the drive each time, and had to force myself to go there. I missed it a couple of times, simply because I was terrified of driving back from the study.
So one day at work,on the day of the Bible study, I was already stressing over the drive. Feeling a little silly, I simply ask God "I'm really scared to go there, but I don't want to miss it. Could you give me a sign or something so that I am not scared and that everything is going to be OK?"
With that, I went on with my day and on my way back home, just a block from my own house, the Lord gave me a sign.
You see, there is this guy in my neighborhood who had a 2-3yo boy. I've seen them out walking by their house every other day, but never really paid much attention. I probably wouldn't that day either, but as I drove past them, something almost took my head gently and turned it towards them.
The little boy was riding one of those Little Tykes cars - the one where you have to peddle with your feet. He looks so content and happy and totally oblivious to his dad "towing" him by a rope or a twine or something. To the boy it looked like he was driving, but it was the father who actually made it move and watched the street for any cars driving by to make sure that his son was safe.
At that moment, I don't think I have the capacity to describe the feeling, a sort of an explosion went off in my brain. It was such unspeakable love that poured out of everything around me, and went through me and around me, that I knew at an instant - God Himself was there in the car with me. He arranged those strangers to be there to show me that He was the one who "drove my car", He was the one that protected me from danger, I was merely His child and he wanted me to enjoy the ride and trust him completely.
I started crying and shaking, but those were the happiest tears of my life. It was also a bit frightening, because something inside of me knew that what I have felt was a mere glimpse of His presence, and it was so powerful, that I don't think I would be able to remain standing or living, had He presented himself to me in all His glory.
But the Love, oh the love..if only I could bottle this feeling and savor it forever. Our weak bodies and minds forget so quickly the feeling so awesome, and we hold on to the bad and the painful. But if I could feel that love always as sharply as in that moment..surely my life and my walk would be so different.
After that, driving got easier. Whenever I would get frightened, or stuck in a difficult situation (getting stuck in a torrential downpour with nowhere to turn off) I would simply remind myself - He is the one driving this car, I'm just coming along for the ride.
I try to apply this to other parts of my life as well. Its not easy, but that such simple, yet such personal gesture of love that He showed me - makes it easier to trust Him. He knows exactly what speaks to our hearts, and how to tell us what He wants us to hear. I just pray that I am always willing to hear Him.